I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
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