I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
He's on the porch naked. Help.
Randomize
