party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
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