My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
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