Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize
