maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
