New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
Randomize
