Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
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