If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
Come see our sink grown plant.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
