My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
