we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
