Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
Randomize
