i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Randomize
