bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
Randomize
