I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
Randomize
