it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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