Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Randomize
