It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
Randomize
