Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
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