craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
Randomize
