I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
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