Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
