i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Randomize
