We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
Randomize
