AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
You should frame my arrest warrant.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
