I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
