The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
My bed smells like the plague
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
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