I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
