so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
Randomize
