Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Randomize
