So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
is that a dick in a sweater?
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
Randomize
