unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
