Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Randomize
