Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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