The answer is no. Its an illegal search n seizure!
god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
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