New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize
