So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Randomize
