just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
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