You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
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