Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
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