My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Randomize
