At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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