No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
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