I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Randomize
