i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
Dignity is for republicans.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
