You don't have asthma, your pregnant
Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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