Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Randomize
