Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Randomize
