Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Randomize
