i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Randomize
